To the Single Friend

You’ve heard it all before. Trust in God’s timing. He has the perfect person set aside for you, you just have to be patient. He’s shaping you into the person you’re meant to be. All these well-meaning sentiments are true, but they don’t always fix the problem, do they? Hearing these facts doesn’t help the late, lonely nights spent crying into your pillow. They don’t calm the green monster in your chest that rears its ugly head as you obsessively refresh the pages of your engaged, married, and pregnant friends’ social media. All that does is send you into a bitter spiral.

I know about your secret wedding boards on Pinterest. All those bookmarked articles with a similar theme (‘Letter to my Future Husband’, ‘How to Enjoy Your Single Life’, 'To the Single Friend') are evidence of your impatience. But do those Pinterest boards and Facebook articles going around your friend circles actually do anything? Or, do they result in a short-lived burst of motivation to be the ‘best you that you can be’ and gloriously independent?

Enjoying your single life isn’t possible without crossing out the word ‘single’. Your relationship status should not be an adjective when thinking about your life in general. Being happy is a way of life. It’s an active experience throughout your entire existence, not just for one phase of your life. If you live life trying to simply survive until you meet someone that will take all your burdens and unhappiness away, you are going to be sorely disappointed. You can’t put that sort of pressure on another person because they will not, and couldn’t ever, live up to that standard.

Take care of yourself. Drink lots and lots of water. Sleep when you need to. Take a walk. Get moving. Feeling good about yourself is a huge step in living a happy life.

Many of my friends married young. 18 or 19 young. And that's great! It really and truly is! It's when marrying that young becomes an expectation that's the problem. If you're not married right out of high school, what are you doing with your life? And wait. You don't have any desire to go to college? How are you ever going to find a husband and get your life officially started.

-__-

I always thought that I would be married by now. It seemed like a rite of passage. You get handed your diploma, turn around, and there's a tall, dark, and handsome stranger on one knee with cartoon hearts in his eyes.

Well.

That didn't end up happening for me.

But my life didn't end.

In fact, my life still isn't over.

Here are some more words that you've already heard so often that they probably feel numb.

Your worth doesn't come from your relationship status. Your worth doesn't come from how many boys you've kissed. Your worth doesn't come from the fact that every one else seems to be happily in love while you're in a blanket burrito eating a bag of chips and binge watching Gilmore Girls.

Your worth comes from the blood of a man that loved you enough to die for you.

I heard that so many times growing up. In Sunday School, on Christian radio stations, from peers, and from my parents. It's a great truth. The only problem is that when it gets repeated with such frequency, it starts to lose its meaning. Yeah, Jesus loves me, this I know. But that doesn't change the fact that the boy I like doesn't know I exist. Jesus loves me, and technically I know that. But I don't feel it. If he loves me so much, why don't I feel special?

Something that I'm still learning is just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean it isn't there. Your feelings aren't really even a part of this, to be honest. You're loved despite anything you've done, felt, or said. You were loved yesterday, you are loved today, and you will be loved tomorrow regardless of how much you feel it at a given moment.

No matter how much you choose to ignore this fact, you will never be fully satisfied through another human being. How do you go about changing your reliance on other people when it's so ingrained in everything you see around you? Date Jesus.

Read the Bible during breakfast. Pray while you walk to work. Download a Bible app. Set prayer alarms on your phone. Have an accountability partner. Whatever your daily routine is, there's always a way to sneak a little Jesus time in. No matter how crazy busy you are or how stressful your life is, if you have time to text that boy or call up your best friend you have time to date Jesus.

There are so many ways to make this personal relationship unique. That's important. I always felt a little uncomfortable around people who gave regular testimonies or spent their time trying to encourage me to love Jesus with my whole being forever and always. Amen.

I felt like a toddler who was being told to clean up his toys. Not only did the task now become a chore, I didn't want to do something simply because an authority figure or peer told me to do it. That's part of why I'm still not a fan of randomly bringing up my faith. I don't want to pressure people into feeling a certain way or doing a certain thing. I don't want to come across as a goody-two-shoes who has her life in order because she prays about it because that's simply not true.

I'm not here to force you to have a relationship with Jesus. You aren't going to find true comfort in an article. I can't convince you that you're loved.

He can, though.

There are near limitless tools at your disposal to help forge a truly personal and unique bond. It's up to you to use these tools. It's up to Him to work through them to help you.

You're going to make yourself miserable by seeking value from people and worldly ideas. The high you get when that boy likes your profile picture or views your SnapChat story will be short-lived no matter how great it feels in the moment.

Maintaining a steady line of communication with God is worlds more important than your relationship status, even if it doesn't result in an immediate dopamine rush. Building a foundation of love the slow, steady, and smart way is always safer than putting together a quick-fix, easy solution to your problems. It's also the path to finding the greatest happiness and satisfaction in your life and potential future relationships.